Sylvester (icklesylvester) wrote in violencefree,

How do you feel when you hear your baby crying?

How do you feel when you hear your baby crying? I know how I ought to feel - I ought to feel all maternal and protective and want to comfort him and make him feel better - but I don't. The sound of him crying just drives me mad, all I can think of is that I want him to shut the hell up, and I often end up having to put him down and leave the room so that I can calm down. I feel like such a bad mum. I try my hardest to prevent him from crying in the first place, I make sure he is fed and clean and I give him loads of attention and cuddles and even carry him around with me most of the time, but he still finds something to cry about. I only have one solution to this and that is to get stoned, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of being stoned constantly (and I can't afford it anyway), is there another way to cope?
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Constant crying is a hard one to cope with. I am a lot more patient now than I was with my first child. Unfortunately I have little advice for this one but would like you to know that you are not alone and that you are not a bad mother for getting frustrated - we all do.

Do you use a baby sling? That sometimes calms them down. Also if it is daytime if you get out of the house and they get fresh air and get to have a look around and be stimulated by things.
That's the thing, he doesn't cry constantly, in fact he doesn't cry much at all, but on the occasions when he does cry I get really stressed really quickly.

I agree about the fresh air though, I take him for a walk in the pram every morning and it makes us both feel better.
Hmm, are you stressed by other things that are unrelated to baby stuff which only come to the surface when he cries.
If so maybe sorting out other things that are stressing you might be the key.
Besides the very excellent sling suggestion, there is the carseat/babyseat one, the swing one, the pram one, the car ride one. Motion seems to help a lot. Sometimes a change of scenery works, I know my grandmother was brilliant with babies, she knew just what to do.

How old is he? Is he burping enough after eating? Could it be gas? Is it the age of colic? Could he be bored? Or overstimulated? Maybe write down when he cries, keep a small journal, see if you can see a pattern.

And leaving the room to calm down is ok, sometimes you have to do that. It's better than losing your cool with a kid.

And as far as getting stoned, may make you feel better, but at the end of the day, doesn't solve the underlying problem. And ideally, you want to solve whatever the underlying problem is.
He's 5 months old. I'm pretty sure that the reason he cries is teething. If I give him calpol it usually stops the crying, but I'm worried about giving him calpol every day, I don't want to give him a paracetamol addiction!

"leaving the room to calm down is ok, sometimes you have to do that. It's better than losing your cool with a kid..."

Thanks. I feel so mean when I can hear him crying all by himself, I'm glad someone thinks I'm doing the right thing!
Since you are calling it paracetamol and not acetometaphin, I'm guessing you live in the UK or Australia. So I don't know what you can do with this suggestion:

There are teething tablets that are homeopathic. Hyland's is the brand that always worked well for me, but there are other brands. They are tiny TINY little sugary pills that dissolve and are good for teething. I don't know if you would be able to get them but it is something to look into.

Also, if it is teething, what about putting that numbing stuff on it, like Orajel? I don't think you can get addicted to paracetamol, but yeah, you are always concerned with what you give your babies.

You are feeling normal. I think you'ed have to be superhuman to be smiling and nurturing every time the baby cried. I'm just human, myself.

In fact I think recognizing those feelings of frustration and in some cases, anger, is normal and very healthy. If you recognize with it and then deal with it in a safe manner (i.e. getting away from the situation and making sure the baby is safe) you are better off than someone who thinks they have it all sorted, and then winds up doing something like shaking the baby because they've finally completely snapped.

By recognizing the feelings you are still in control. That's good.
A baby's cry is designed to be the most irritating sound on earth. I think the idea for the design is that we'd want that noise to stop right away, so we'd take good care of the baby so he'd stop crying.

It sounds like you're taking lots of good steps to prevent the crying, and there are times when all you can do is put the baby down in another room and let them cry, but I wouldn't recommend doing that for more than 5 or 10 minutes. Anything longer than that, and the baby starts to think "it doesn't matter how miserable I am, no one cares".

I agree that getting stoned is not the answer. Maybe you can check into some stress management and find other ways to deal with stress other than getting stoned?