Non Violent Parenting's Journal
Sunday, August 7, 2005
Hi! I'm new to this community.
My baby is just a little over a year old and I am a stay at home mom.
My husband and I are anti-spank parents, which makes us feel outcasted since our families are spankers and proud to be.
My mother recently told me that I should spank my baby who isn't even 14 months old yet to prevent her occasional toddler-tantrums from getting worse. This, ontop of my husband telling me stories that his coworkers swap about paddling their little ones, and applauding eachothers violent parenting tactics, I felt like I needed to seek out others who parent with love.
Anyone else feel like they are the only non-violent parents, sometimes?
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
4:27AM - Stop Domestic Abuse
First, I would like to apologize for disabling comments. The reason is that this banner links back to the entry where this banner originated, and there is a long essay there about my views on corporal punishment and child abuse, and I'd like to keep all discussion, comments, and questions in one place. Please understand that I do NOT consider corporal punishment and child abuse equivalent. But you can read about that in my journal, and comment there, too.
The main message I am spreading is this: Domestic violence goes on far too much unchecked. "Corporal punishment", quite often (although not always, obviously), are simply words used to disguise domestic violence. Please. Let's put a stop to this. The home should be a safe place. And spread the word.
|Loving is not hurting.|
Monday, November 8, 2004
How do you feel when you hear your baby crying? I know how I ought to feel - I ought to feel all maternal and protective and want to comfort him and make him feel better - but I don't. The sound of him crying just drives me mad, all I can think of is that I want him to shut the hell up, and I often end up having to put him down and leave the room so that I can calm down. I feel like such a bad mum. I try my hardest to prevent him from crying in the first place, I make sure he is fed and clean and I give him loads of attention and cuddles and even carry him around with me most of the time, but he still finds something to cry about. I only have one solution to this and that is to get stoned, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of being stoned constantly (and I can't afford it anyway), is there another way to cope?
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
I'm new here. I have a 14 month old babe, and I had a question. Could any of you recommend a good book on violence free disciplining?
Monday, August 16, 2004
10:18PM - NEWBIE!
hi! my name is melissa, im 20 years old, my husband and i have been married since 2001 and we have 2 kids. our son is 2 and our daughter is 8 months. if youd like to know anymore just ask =)
i have VERY strong beliefs towards child abuse and i am in many organizations that are around to stop child neglect & abuse.
* my journal is "friends only" so if youd like to be added just leave me a comment and ill gladly add ya! =)
Sunday, August 8, 2004
p.s. i noticed that a lot of people join this group and talk about situations with thier own children and ask for advice. i'm the same way, i learn the best through interaction with others, and by bouncing ideas off of people.
i was wondering if anyone here is familliar with dr sears. if not, he is a pretty main-stream dr that promotes attachment parenting. he and his wife are a wealth of patience and compassion, with 8 children and both authors and doctors. my son gaige has been a challenge from the day he was born, and whenever i get overwhelmed or notice a pattern forming that is turning into a rut, i go to the website and read, and it restores my faith in my own ability to be patient, loving and calm even during the most difficult challenging times.
the website has tons of advice, resources, and information, most of it paraphrases the books (which are also awesome!) and its totally free. it's been such a good resource for me and maybe it will be for someone else too! you can find the site here: ask dr sears.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
8:57PM - Hi from newbie
Hi, all! I noticed this forum is a bit slow, but decided to join anyway. We're looking for better ways to raise our children, and could use all the support we could get. It seems everyone has their own opinion about how you should discipline more, spank more, force more, be ugly more, and we just don't buy in.
I'm a 28 year old WAHM, married to a fabulous 31 year old SAHD, and we have 3 gorgeous children, ages 7, 3, and 2. They are so precious, and deserve so much good out of life. We currently live in Florida, but will be moving to North Carolina in August.
So, one question I have is wondering what you all do when the siblings start some of their sibling stuff-- anger, yelling, hitting, pinching, all of that. It is so hard to keep my cool when I see that, and while I don't hit, I do tend to speak with a bit more irritation in my voice than I should.
Anyway, glad to be a part of this community, and hope it picks up soon.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
2:31AM - x-posted
I'm not a parent, but I wanted to get some ideas from people who are.
My name is Erin and my lifelong dream has been to create children's educational (public?) television (Think Caillou, Sesame Street, Fraggle Rock, Mr. Rodgers and so on). I'm planning to create several animated shorts to develop my idea, but first I want to hear from parents-- see what they want their kids to learn, to experience, to understand (shooting for a 0-6 year old audience). I want to create something pure, enlightening, but not dumbed down. Something parents can watch with their kids and not barf into a bag. Something that is fun, but also shows kids how to be confident, secure, happy, willing to learn, and so on. I may branch out later if this is successful-- something other than animation (puppets come to mind). I'd accept any help, ideas, inspiration, words of wisdom, etc etc. What do you wish there was more of for your children to watch? What sort of programming would you like to see? What themes/lessons would you like addressed? This is what I want to do for the rest of my life, I love to teach children and I'd love to create something that helps them grow to become happy, inspired people who will grow up to make the world better.
If I could get any feedback at all, I'd be incredibly grateful. Thank you so much.
Sunday, December 28, 2003
Well, even though the last post here is from 16 July, I decided I would join this community anyway. It's such a good idea that I HAD to.
My name is Kat and I'm 23. I live in the north of England with my fiance Adrian, but I'm originally from Cincinnati, Ohio, USA. Ade and I have a 6 month old son and another baby on the way in June.
Ade and I both grew up in violent homes with violent parents [his dad, my mom]. My mother has tons of issues with beating her kids because she was hit by her dad, my grandad was beaten by his father, etc .. it seems to be up to me to break that cycle in my family.
So we have decided to never ever hit our children and try very hard to not even shout at them. My mom took the whole hitting and shouting thing so far that she was mentally and physically abusive towards me -- so as a result even the thought of tapping my kids on their bums makes me feel sick. I do have a bit of a time controlling my shouting if I get angry, but obviously this is something I have to work on [and I mean I shout at my partner, not my son! but even that is bad if you're trying to raise your kids peacefully!]. I've read some really good articles on anger management and I'm keeping all the tips in mind. So far they seem to be helping!
Anyway I hope people start discussing things here again, as I really like the look of this community. Even if no one talks though, it's good to be here.
Wednesday, July 16, 2003
Hi everyone. I have started a new support community for parents who get too caught up in being "perfect". If this is you stop by and say hello. I would love to get this community hopping.:)
Monday, May 5, 2003
hehehe i just realized that this community is pretty quiet! i commented on the last post and then realized it happened almost 3 months ago! but that's okay, still a cool community :D
my name is sarah and i have a year old son named gaige. (see icon) i'm not really at a stage where i have to worry about violent discipline yet, but i want to everything i can to prepare, because i know it can be a challenge to find positive ways to discipline your children, and that sometimes people need support. gaige is very high need and being patient and calm with him can be very challenging. my husband and i are working together to make this a positive experience for all three of us but it still can be very hard.
i think bookofnights was so right on when she said that people hit and spank their children because they simply don't know any better alternative discipline techniques. i was just talking with a friend of mine about that a few weeks ago, who insisted that i too would someday spank my child. and i think that bookofnights' idea about asking what if? questions is a great idea, only i hope that people can ask themselves. :) replacing a negative action with a positive future scenario really works! in fact, just yesterday, my husband FREAKED out because i downshifted from 5th gear to 2nd (yes, i'm just learning to drive a manual shift) and i suggested that he run a scenario through his head where instead of screaming "NO NO NO!!" (in a panic) he screamed "SECOND!!" and whaddya know, the next time it happened, he did exactly that!!
so anyway, im glad to be here :) hi everyone!!
Tuesday, February 4, 2003
7:25PM - Frustration
The other day, there was an incident involving my 5-year-old daughter and 25-year-old sister. I was in the shower at the time, and my sister was attempting to get my 8-month-old nephew to sleep and my daughter was talking to him. My sister told her to stop talking to him while she was trying to get him to sleep; my daughter continued to do so (yes, she should have stopped, but she didn't realize my sister was trying to get him to sleep, so she kept talking to him. My sister got angry and shouted in my daughter's face to leave him alone. My daughter reacted by pinching my sister on the arm. NO, I do not think it was alright for her to pinch anyone; but instead of waiting for me to get out of the shower, or going to tell me what had happened so I could deal with my daughter, my sister figured the best way to deal with it was to pinch her back hard enough to leave a red mark and later a bruise. This did cause a confrontation (no, I didn't shout, but I did let my sister know in no uncertain terms that no one died and made her the one in charge of disciplining MY child) between my sister and I. OK, my point is this: I had posted this story in a parenting community last week and out of two out of three people claimed my sister did the right thing by stooping to a 5-year-old's level and pinching her back. They claimed the 'cause-and-effect' theory sometimes works. I don't understand what good it does to put yourself at the level of a child and do exactly what they do to teach them not to do it! My daughter reacts quite well to positive reinforcement and, if need be, having priviledges taken away for misbehaving at times. She's generally a good kiddo, but all children are going to disobey at times and do things they aren't supposed to. *I* think that pinching/spanking/etc. a child is only teaching them that violence can solve things. Spanking, in my opinion, teaches a child fear and intimidation; it doesn't get to the root of the problem and I know from my own experience that it makes a child more prone to lie and hide things if they fear that they will be physically reprimanded for it later if they've done something wrong. What do you guys think of the "cause-and-effect" theory (you know, if the kid does something to you, you do it back so they'll know what it feels like and won't do it again)? Am I the only one who finds this concept ridiculous? I mean, the two people I referred to who commented on my other post were basically telling me that my sister was right in pinching my daughter back!
Friday, December 20, 2002
2:39PM - Today on Oprah Winfrey
they are doing a special on mother's who have hurt their children....like the evil woman from the shopping center parking lot that repeatedly punched her daughter (ick).
thought i'd let you know, if you didn't already.
Monday, September 30, 2002
10:13AM - "Hideous child"
I'm having a slow conversation with someone that described herself as a "hideous child". That breaks my heart. You don't just wake up one day and say "Wow. I was a hideous child. I think I'll phone my mum and apologize."
You decide that you're hideous because someone tells you that. Or because they treat you so badly that you decide "If my parents treat me like this, it must be because I'm a Really Bad Person".
This is another reason why I so strongly believe in violence free parenting. Because it shapes the way these people will see themselves for the rest of their lives. Because it will determine the types of relationships they feel they deserve. Because there is a better way.
Monday, September 23, 2002
9:30AM - Toogood
I'm hoping that the video of Toogood beating her child will cause some people to reconsider their stance on hitting children. "I only slapped her and pulled her hair" Toogood said. And yet there are other parents out there, not being hunted by the police, who still have custody of their children, and who think that hitting kids is ok.
But, maybe they're reconsidering...
I'm going to start posting some "what if" questions and answers on this site. What would your response be, if your child did X? It's only by thinking of these things ahead of time that we have a plan of action to use, instead of falling back on hitting.
Monday, September 9, 2002
3:21AM - Introduction
After ranting and raving at people that felt hitting their child was an appropriate solution to "prevent electrocution" (instead of covering their electrical outlets) I realized that these people had no other, better, options available to them. They hit their children because they couldn't think of any better options.
It doesn't serve anyone to be angry at those folks (though I admit it's a big button pusher for me, so I am still angry, but now trying to deal with my feelings in a more positive way). Instead, I thought creating a community where alternatives to violence were shared might offer these people those "better options".
If you've hit your children in the past but want to avoid that for the future, I welcome you. I applaud your decision to find new and better ways to raise your children. I hope you'll find this community helpful and supportive in your journey to non violent parenting.
My hope is that other people of like minds will join me in this effort. I expect there will be some inappropriate behavior by people that feel guilty about hitting their children and so will want to attack this community and the ideas behind it. I may end up making comments screened and posts moderated if that happens too much. But mostly I hope that people that come to mock and attack will stay to learn. So for that reason, this community is currently open and unmoderated.